Possibly purple pie, or perhaps purple pizza

I'm not sure what to call it. However, it's chickpea-based. Yum. That is all. You will need a well-seasoned cast iron pan for this. You will also need a well-seasoned cast iron pan for many other important events in life. This is but one example of the many, many times you will be glad to own one.

Batter (prepare first)

2c chickpea flour
2c water
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder (optional)
1 tbs ground flax seeds
1-2 tbs fresh chopped rosemary or other fresh herb (thyme would also be nice)

Mix everything together and let it sit for at least half an hour. Longer is better.
Meanwhile... preheat your oven to about 200C (this is not a precise kind of thing) and get going on the onions.

3 large purple onions, sliced
2 large cloves of garlic, chopped into a few large bits
splash vermouth
(if you're cheating: splash apple cider vinegar + 1 tbs agave)
pinch nutmeg
black pepper
salt

In your cast iron pan, caramelize onions ie- cook over low heat for as long as you can stand (half an hour, minimum. Longer is better). If you don't know how to caramelize onions, the Google can teach you. If you know how, but don't have long enough to do it, then cheat thusly: cook 'em on high heat, then add the cheater ingredients, keep the heat high until the vinegar evaporates, and then proceed as if you weren't cheating. If anyone asks, say that that's how it's *supposed* be. Add the vermouth, nutmeg, pepper and salt to the caramelized onions. Turn off the heat. Smooth onions into a layer.

Pour the chickpea batter over the layer of onions. Bake for about 30 mins, or until you suspect it is done. This will depend on the size of your pan and how much water is left in your onions. The good news is that it's pretty hard to burn this if you're keeping an eye on it, since it browns slowly. If it's burning, you'll know with a quick look. I used a fairly large pan, either 10 or 12 inches. Allow to cool for a few minutes, and then de-pan your masterpiece onto a cutting board or plate. Consume with gusto and green salad.

If you lack a cast iron pan, you can dump the onions and chickpea batter (in that order) into a well-oiled pie plate or whatever. It will still work, I promise.

christmas leftovers and vaguely persian pizza

Here are the munchies from before Christmas dinner. We had a traditional Christmas here in the Kitchendancing Cave. You know. Munchies (bread, olives, the dip below, and a white bean pesto dip) and poker, followed by a super late dinner, followed by sending the guests home with stockings full of breakfast for the next day (individual Ninja Ginga breads filled with marzipan, a clementine, Zimtsterne and some homemade truffles). One of the gambling dips got reincarnated into pizza tonight, and it was wonderful. The recipe said "serves 4", and I have concluded, based on the vast quantities of pate, that it seves four 18 year old boys who have been doing manual labour all day, and who aren't getting anything else for dinner. Needless to say, I had a lot of this pate left over. Pretty much anything spreadable can become a pizza sauce, and there's no reason not to scamper gleefully across culinary boundaries. So... this is vaguely persian pizza: Whole wheat pizza dough topped with a walnut/olive/angelica/pomegranite/herb pate (from my new Silk Road Cookbook, which is so damn sexy that it's nearly pornographic for a food demon like me), sliced japanese eggplants, and pomegranite seeds. I love leftovers. LOVE. We had this with a giant green salad and a bottle of Kelpie seaweed ale, and are building a roaring fire as I type. Mmmmmm. Lazy, comfy Saturday night at home.

improv pizza music: mose allison

fava pizza

Potato pizza crust made from TMSBE topped with layer of yellow zucchini and then baked. Once done, topped with fresh fava beans, garlic, lemon and parsley. I also did one with multicoloured tomatoes and fresh basil to take for lunch tomorrow. Ooooooh. The omnis eating cafeteria food are going to be so jealous.

pizza sing-along with Aladin Sane, of course.

Why I *heart* humanemyth.org, or: Stuff I actually learned in grade 9 english but am only posting now.

Most of us have had to read George Orwell's 1984, and so are familiar with the term "doublethink". Also, most of us read 1984 with a smug sense of superiority that we were far too intelligent to get drawn into doublethink. Meh, I say. Every time I meet a compassionate and caring person who convinces themselves that using animals is somehow compassionate and caring (or even ecologically sustainable), I see doublethink in action. For starters, in what way is *killing* compassionate? At this point, I rant. I rave. I fume. And eventually, I inevitably reach the point where I decide that I won't discuss veganism with my friends anymore. Enter humanemyth.org, a bunch of really awesome people who have better anger management and diplomatic skills than I do who are "encouraging truth, transparency and integrity in animal advocacy". Which means that they are taking all the bullshit of "happy meat" and "humane slaughter" apart sentence by sentence, exposing the doublespeak of the animal use industry for...well... doublespeak. Instead of relying on shocking images (a la Earthlings) or blatantly sexist publicity stunts that make no sense whatsoever (a la PETA), they actually go through the media coverage of "happy meat" and show where it is inconsistent, where it is twisting language, where it is leaving key information out, where it is lying, and where it is just plain nonsensical. And they have piles of resources. And more information than you can shake a stick at, if you are the stick-shaking sort or if you have to convince another one of your ecosexual friends that no, the carbon footprint/energy consumption of happy grazing grain-fed, personally massaged cows is NOT smaller than that for tofu. (Oh, and you still kill them. Killing = not so compassionate. If this is unclear to you, picture someone killing your pet. Nicely, but for no reason other than they wanted a new dog-fur purse. Now see if you think that person acted with compassion. Right. That little outburst is why I'm stopping this rant right now and referring you to the not-ranty vegans with loads of cool info. And decent diplomatic skills.)

However, you *do* get a food post for making it through that rant. The most Scottish Bread Ever (TMSBE): mashed potatoes, kelpie seaweed ale, smoked salt, rosemary, whole wheat flour, baking powder, yeast. You can tell it's TMSBE because a) tartan oven glove and b) potatoes AND ale. Served with the chickpea cheese stuff from The Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook and sliced (scottish) apples and walnuts. Oh yes. Bring on the giant sammich. That'll be lunch tomorrow. Some of the bread got made into pizza dough, and I did this: TMSBE, chickpea cheez, greens, pear, olives, walnuts, dried figs. Dried figs go with everything, right? That was a rhetorical question. They do, and I don't want to hear otherwise. Oh yum. TMSBE is about to become a kitchendancing staple. The forecast calls for soups. Also, I think I will make the chickpea cheez with seaweed in it.

secret pizza

Potato crust pizza and new hoodie! I didn't eat the hoodie, but it did make me feel like a kitchen ninja because it is black and secret. I also have an apron. If you're very very good, I'll model it when I make something that goes with apron. Pizza crust (leftover mashed spuds, salt, wholewheat flour, rosemary, baking powder, water). I prebaked the crust, and while that was going on, I blanched some spinach and rocket and sliced up a pear. On the pizza: brie-like stuff loosely based on The Ultimate Uncheese Cookbook (I used the seasonings, but used okara as the base), walnuts, spinach and augula, pear. Bake again to make everything warm. Oh yeah. The yum. I like the potato crust. I will do it again, probably often, perhaps requiring some sort of intervention in the future. I ate this with carrot sticks, and drank red wine out of a tumbler because the whole arugula/pear/brie combo was just a *little* too classy for me. I may or may not have used the carrot sticks to make vegan vampire fangs on myself during this picture. You'll never know.

pizza poetry: luna allison.

Ducky's culinary school spreads the vegetable love

Nothing says valentine's day like roses and chocolate. Soooo, Ducky's culinary school presents: rose and chocolate pizza, specially concocted for the FatFree Vegan Kitchen's valentine's food extravaganza.

Pizza dough: standard yeasted pizza dough, kinda. We used 300grams chickpea flour, 100 grams whole wheat flour, a pinch of salt, yeast and a tsp of rosewater. Knead. Leave to rise. Knead some more, roll out, sprinkle with more rosewater, a bit of salt and some freshly ground black pepper and then bake at 220C for 15 min. Yes, you bake the pizza dough naked (naked pizza dough, I mean. Naked cook is optional.)

Then, add the sauce, which in this case is a nice little layer of pomegranate molasses. Alternately, one could use dark chocolate shavings, chillies and balsamic reduction, if one were feeling fancy, or even mole sauce if you had some on hand. But the pomegranate molasses was making eyes at me, I swear. Toppings: first layer: Wilted spinach and arugula mixed with 1 tsp of dry roasted coriander seeds and 1 tsp dry roasted cumin seeds, mushed up with a mortar and pestle. second layer: Butternut squash simmered slowly in veg broth and white wine (sub apple cider vinegar if you want) with a tiny little bit of pomegranate syrup added near the end. Pop this back in the oven for a few minutes to let the different layers get aquainted with each other. Then add the romantic layer: sprinkle with a cocoa nibs and decorate with candied rose petals. If you are me, add a bit more black pepper.

That's for valentine's day. Note that at this time of year, what with all the kissing and such, vampires can be a concern. We recommend the following, though not necessarily as part of a romantic dinner:

Side dish: Vampire-be-gone spuds. It's misty and mysterious out tonight, so we thought that just to be on the safe side, we'd make these. Diced potatoes (4), whole cloves of garlic (one head worth), and one of those deceptively hot hungarian peppers, in veg broth, thyme, and smoked paprika. When everything is almost done (the water has almost all evaporated), add a can of chopped tomatoes or several chopped fresh tomatoes, a diced green pepper and a few chopped capers and continue cooking. When everything is actually done, throw in some nutritional yeast and salt to taste. If we hadn't used all the spinach on the pizza, I would have thrown it in these spuds.

Poor Spanky was mostly running about being my kitchen slave for this dinner, chopping things and keeping wine glasses filled and such. I think the role suited him, but he probably disagrees, so we will resume our regular "nice Ducky" programme next week when I'm not trying to impress anyone or ward off the undead.

valentine music for the terminally cynical: leonard cohen. everybody knows.